Updated: Dec 17, 2019
I raise a hallelujah, in the presence of my enemies I raise a hallelujah, louder than the unbelief I raise a hallelujah, my weapon is a melody I raise a hallelujah, heaven comes to fight for me
I'm gonna sing, in the middle of the storm Louder and louder, you're gonna hear my praises roar Up from the ashes, hope will arise Death is defeated, the King is alive!
First stanza from the song "Raise a Hallelujah" by Bethel Music
My husband Troy, daughter Madison, and I sang this entire song continuously over our 19 year old daughter, Taylor, her last few days on Earth.
*If you are new to this blog or haven't read my Facebook posts from the past year, the quickest update is this: Taylor was diagnosed with a fast growing and rare cancer called Glioblastoma Multiforme of the Spinal Cord in late August of 2018 and went to Heaven in March of 2019.
After she left for Heaven, I couldn't bear to hear this song as every emotion and memory of her last days would flood my mind.
I wanted to be able to open my mouth and praise God, but I just couldn't get the sound out.
*Necklace reads: Taylor -Forever in My Heart- Raise a Hallelujah
My first time back at church our worship team sang that song and I couldn't take it. My heart was breaking and I had to step out.
Since then, it hasn't been just that song in particular, but any praise and worship song has been painful to sing.
My heart is singing along, but to open my mouth and let out my words has been one of the most surprisingly painful experiences of this whole journey.
I was reminded of Job.
He lost 7 sons and 3 daughters all at once. -not to mention he lost all of his wealth and acquired health issues at the same time!
Job was so devastated that he didn't speak for a whole week.
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. After this, Job opened his mouth... Job 2:13-3:1 NIV
Like Job, I was suffering.
How is it possible to sing in the middle of a storm? My heart was desiring worship but my physical body didn't want to get in line with my heart. So I let my heart and mind tell my body what to do.
I had to force myself to enter in. Even if I sang two or three words to start. It was a start.
I wasn't going to let my circumstances stop my praise.
Throughout this year I've been reading a Psalm a day (off and on truthfully).
I find it amazing that here I am, almost exactly a year ago since we were told about the tumor from Taylor's first MRI (August 25th 2019) and now I read the last Psalm from the book of Psalms.
The Passion Translations titles it "The Hallelujah Chorus".
The Hallelujah Chorus
1 Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Praise God in his holy sanctuary! Praise him in his stronghold in the sky! 2 Praise him for his miracles of might! Praise him for his magnificent greatness! 3 Praise him with the trumpets blasting! Praise him with piano and guitar! 4–5 Praise him with drums and dancing! Praise him with the loud, resounding clash of cymbals! Praise him with every instrument you can find! 6 Let everyone everywhere join in the crescendo of ecstatic praise to Yahweh! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
Psalm 150 The Passion Translation
It hasn't been easy, but I'm able to say "I raise a Hallelujah" now.
Yes! I am even able to sing it (and I don't just mean the song).
Sing in the middle of your storm and don't let your circumstances stop your praise. Hallelujah!