When you mourn the death of your child, you not only mourn the absence of their presence in your life, but you mourn the life you had with that person and all that that life entailed.
I feel like I am living my life with the memory or dream of a whole other life lived and lost. A life that won't be fully restored until I meet my daughter again in Heaven.
I'm not the only one who's experienced grieving in this way. I know many people, including my husband's Great Aunt Donna, grieve the loss of a life that they always knew but can no longer live. In Donna's life, her grief came because of a stroke.
When I see the life of freedom she had, changed to a life lived out in a wheelchair, inside of a nursing home, not able to care for herself any longer, it causes me to think about all of the loss that so many people are dealing with. - Not only the death of a loved one, but the loss of a life through divorce, aging, a career and so on.
In Genesis 37, you'll find the story of a young man who also went through a life lost. He was taken from the life he knew; a family, to a life he'd never known; a slave. That young man was Joseph. He had no choice but to continue on in this new life. He couldn't go back even if he wanted to. This was his new normal.
There are so many times I wish I could go back to my old life; watching my two beautiful daughters grow up and one day marry and have kids. Watching my daughter Taylor laugh, play with the dogs, quote movies, and float in the pool, traveling on road trips, camping, singing goofy songs together, and making smores was a life I lived with her.
That life is gone.
The painful reality is that I can't go back. I can't rewind time. I can't take away the cancer from my daughter's body. No matter what I do, I am totally powerless over my situation.
I have a new life now. A life I did not choose.
One daughter in Heaven and one still here on Earth.
This is my new normal.
In Joseph's life, God continued to show him favor even though his whole world had been turned upside-down. I'm sure Joseph must have mourned his old life. The life he had where he was favored, blessed with beautiful garments, and loved dearly by his parents.
Through it all, Joseph didn't just curl up and hide away after all of his loss. He continued to believe in God, trust in God, and hear from God. In the end, many years later, Joseph was reunited with his family.
What a great story right? Everyone loves a happy ending, or as I like to call it, a good God ending. But I more than just believe, I know this will be my good God ending too.
I'm looking forward to the day when I will reunite with my daughter in Heaven. All of my life experiences will combine into one and I'll forget the sorrow of my past.
What about you? What about the life that you are mourning or the life that you had lost?
Will you be able to get your good God ending too?
I believe the answer is YES.
God has not forgotten you. He will make all things good for YOU.
If you love God, then it will end well for you. That's a biblical truth. You will get your good God ending to your life's story.
What I'm learning through all of this is not to put time limits on when restoration comes. It might come before you die or it might come after, but it will come.
I don't have this whole process mastered, I'm still working through it all, but I am going to try to live my new life like Joseph. I want it said of me one day, "she continued to believe in
God, trust in God, and hear from God".
How about you?