The past year and a half I've been struggling with letting go. I actually didn't realize it until just this last September. Then it hit me. I don't trust God to take care of my future. Over and over I was succumbing to stress and allowing it to rule in my life.
I did go to God with my frustrations, but my circumstances just weren't changing fast enough for me so then I started in on the chocolate. -Am I speaking to anyone here???
And then I gained weight.
A lot of weight.
So to help alleviate my stress I started working out. That actually helped for a while but it didn't solve my problem. It was a band-aid. Over and over the thought started coming to me that I was frustrated, not only with my situation, but now God.
Why wasn't he doing what I wanted in the time that I wanted him to do it? Then fall arrived and I finally got it.
I'm a visual learner and one day as I was walking down a path covered in fall foliage, I saw a story; a modern day parable.
I looked at the trees and I saw myself.
I am a person desiring new growth but I am stuck in a season that I have no control over.
I am stuck in a season of fall.
I have dead things in my life that need to fall from my tree; things in my life that are lifeless or just sucking the life out of me.
Some fall quickly, bringing the hope that a new season is just about to start while other leaves seem to hang on, indicating that this season will never end and I'll never get out of this cycle.
There isn't just one factor to releasing the dead and decaying leaves which makes it even more frustrating.
If only I could in one moment shake all of the leaves from my tree and be done with it, forcing a new season to begin!
But I've realized that it doesn't work that way.
The wind, the rain, and the chemical make-up of the tree determine when the leaves will fall and when the season will change.
The wind is the Lord who helps release the dead things from my life.
The rain is the adversity which forcefully presses the leaves from my branches yet in the end will produce a stronger core.
And then there's the chemical make-up of the leaves themselves, yes, that's where I have control and THAT'S the place where I can choose to let go.